16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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