**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
