Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
