happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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