at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
