i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
