I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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