the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
