remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
its liver damage thursday
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
