I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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