Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
