I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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