I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just shotgunned beers for America
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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