its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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