Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
