There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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