She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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