The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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