Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
