he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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