I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
