I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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