you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
should my penis look like a turkey
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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