ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
