I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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