he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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