after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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