I'm so fucking centered right now
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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