anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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