Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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