AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
