we made out on top of his cat.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
