You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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