So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm always down for nudity.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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