You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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