I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
