haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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