I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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