It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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