In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
