Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When are your genitals available?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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