My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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