so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
