Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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