I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
