Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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