I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
