she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
