You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
