I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
