just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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