I wish I only lived at night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
